I know discipline is absolutely necessary when raising children. I’m going to give a bit of advice and hope it is wanted.
I realize that a lot of children are being abused, so I care enough to give my advice even though a lot of people may reject it.
The secret to making discipline work is always being constant and not wavering in your resolve.
When a child knows what is coming when they willfully defy your rules, they are a lot less apt to cross that line.
But when it happens and discipline is required, always do it in love.
Do it because you know it is necessary to teach them how to avoid trouble in the future.
If you become angry, send them to their room until you cool down, and then you will be able to show the love they need, even when they have done wrong.
When you stay regular with discipline the child knows what to expect, and they are happier for it.
The easiest thing is just to take something they really want away for a while. You know what those things are.
But always be fair and discipline the way you would want to be treated if it were you.
Probably the most important part of discipline is being sure that your children understand what they have done to deserve the action you were forced to take, and that you still love them anyway.
Be quick to discipline when it is warranted, but I always come back afterward and talk to the child about what just happened. Have them tell you what they did that caused the trouble.
You will be surprised at how many times children don’t fully understand what they did and why they were punished. If the child doesn’t understand why they were punished, all you accomplished was distancing your child and losing the ability to communicate.
They must know that you love them no matter what, and that your discipline is a part of your love because you want them to have the best life possible.
Discipline with love and end up with a bunch of balanced kids.
Discipline with anger and end up with angry out of control kids.
Don’t discipline at all and end up with a bunch of unbalanced out of control kids.
I have seen it too many times.
To the OP...you have some good thoughts there...it may encompass this too, but I'd like to add,
Don't make threats meaning...if I have to call you one more time five times later...and don't promise them some punishment you later wish you had not promised(too severe or extreme). I have seen more parents threaten a child telling them again and again and the child FINALLY does what they are asked once they hear the parent yelling and know they REALLY mean what they're saying.
Apologize when you're wrong.
__________________ "If more males would stand up and be men...then more females would sit down and be ladies."
"We ought to be wary of any religion that focuses more on DO than on BE."
"Truth only reveals itself when one gives up all preconceived ideas."
"Sometimes the fallen and repentant make the best teachers."
It depends on the situation. I only spanked for willful disobedience, but it has been a long, long time since I did. I believe I have only spanked my daughter maybe once - I'm not even sure it was once. I know I spanked my son at least once - maybe twice.
In general, I'm too much of a softie and don't give enough discipline.
Recently, however, I pretty much knew my daughter was going to do something very disobedient. I backed off, and gave her the benefit of the doubt. She did the wrong thing, and she is now grounded for so long even her grandchildren won't have any fun.
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"We've got a blind date with destiny - - and it looks like she's ordered the lobster." --The Shoveler
To the OP...you have some good thoughts there...it may encompass this too, but I'd like to add,
Don't make threats meaning...if I have to call you one more time five times later...and don't promise them some punishment you later wish you had not promised(too severe or extreme). I have seen more parents threaten a child telling them again and again and the child FINALLY does what they are asked once they hear the parent yelling and know they REALLY mean what they're saying.
Apologize when you're wrong.
That part about making threats is huge. I grit my teeth when I'm out in public and hear parents say, "I'm not going to tell you again!" I always want to jump in and say, "I bet you 5 bucks you will!" Along the same lines is the whole counting thing: "Three.....Two..........One and a half................................One and a quarter...................." Explain what the rule/expectation is and what the punishment will be beforehand. When the rule is broken exact the punishment immediately.
You can't teach what you don't know. It's a terrible fact that an undisciplined parent cannot teach his child discipline. We often take "discipline" to mean punishment, but really punishment indicates a lack of discipline.
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likeuntohim - my name is my license to post
__________________ "The policy of the American government is to leave their citizens free, neither restraining nor aiding them in their pursuits." ~ Thomas Jefferson
Where you are at in your relationship with Christ is where He has brought you.
It is your journey, not a standard for others.---Bob Marley
'Butt Kicking Women' is not responsible for lost or stolen egos.
She had an unequalled gift... of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities. ~ Henry James
LOL...Onefaith's methods sounded pretty good to me. ah well
Gina
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The happiness of the domestic fireside is the first boon of Heaven; and it is well it is so, since it is that which is the lot of the mass of mankind. ~Thomas Jefferson, 1813
I have tried it both ways, and believe me; this way works best, and turns out more mentally stable children.
The other posts beneath mine added to the correct formula that works. You don't have to beat your children.
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How Do You Discipline?
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