MASCOT SCANDAL SHOCKS SCHOOL OFFICIALS



Hyles-Anderson College officials were very shocked to learn that their mascot is actually married. Not only is the Lion married, but to a woman, one of the homo sapiens species. "We were really stunned when the photo leaked on the Internet," said college spokesmen Dr. Tom Vogel. "This isn't just interracial dating, which is not allowed at our school, it is an interspecial marriage."

This has caused a two-fold problem. "Firstly, there is no rule against it as we never anticipated such a marriage to begin with," said Vogel. "Now we will have to address it for the future. Secondly, we just can't break up a marriage. God hates divorce and we cannot tell them to divorce. Two wrongs don't make a right."

To complicate matters, the mascot and his wife have adopted a little lamb for a child. "That poor little Lamb," lamented Vogel shaking his head. "We will be there for her as she grows up in such unusual circumstances."

So where does that leave the mascot? "We are not sure," said Vogel. "Certainly he can no longer be on the sidelines of our games, but we can't just get rid of him. He might not react too well and actually hurt someone. What we might do is to create a ministry for him to minister to interspecial couples, but that hasn't been determined yet."