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  1. #1
    Like It, Love it, Gotta Have It
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    Default Funny baptism stories?

    Does anyone have any funny baptism stories?

    At one church my pastor decided to have a Sunday afternoon picnic dinner at a local park followed by a baptism at the boat landing on a river. The pastor & the guy who was the 1st person to be baptized were walking out into the river. They had no idea how far the concrete boat ramp extended. They both stepped off the end & into a deep water hole. They about killed each other getting back on firm footing. Those of us on dry grown were rolling on the ground laughing.

    At one church we had a big day, a lot of folks getting saved & baptized right away. The new believers were directed to changing rooms, men on one side of the platform and ladies on the other side. A 4th or 5th grade kid was told by the person in charge to go into a small changing room, take off his clothes, put on a waterproof zip up baptism outfit & go up the stairs to get baptized. He missed the part about "put on the baptism outfit" then he came out ran up the stairs & dived head first in the baptistry while naked as a jay-bird & while someone else was being baptized. There was no curtain to close & fortunately there was not a glass front on the tank. The pastor had to keep the kids down in the water and have him put on an outfit under water.
    Last edited by fishinnut; 01-07-2009 at 10:41 AM.
    "We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready
    in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us."

    --George Orwell

    Just my own opinion, for what it's worth........

  2. #2
    Fundamental Thinker
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    Default

    There was the time that we caught a bunch of kids swimming in the baptistry at HPBC on Halloween ... and another time when an absent minded professor (name witheld) walked through it on the way to chapel ... the water was warm so he didn't realize it until he got halfway through ... BTW ... he had also clipped two bow ties on that morning ... we didn't know whether to look up or down.

    Bro. Ott
    The one great fallacy of fundamentalism is that we actually believe that while we are confessing the sins of others that the Lord will not look as intently on our own.

    As I have gotten older, I have tended to become less dogmatic over certain issues: "(1 Cor 2:2 KJV) For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified."

    I would not be such a strong believer in God if not for the enemy.

    Look me up on Facebook

  3. #3
    Master of Fundamentalism
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    One time before we had a baptistry built in our church in Mexico, we asked permission to use a nearby pond. Only thing was no one checked to see how deep it was. It looked pretty deep, but when we got there my husband discovered that it was only 2-3 feet deep. The problem was that the man who wanted to be baptised was extra large. So my husband pushed him down into the water as far as he could go then splashed water up on the rest of him that protruded so he could be considered "completely immursed"!

  4. #4
    Fundamental Thinker
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Rebecca's Rants View Post
    One time before we had a baptistry built in our church in Mexico, we asked permission to use a nearby pond. Only thing was no one checked to see how deep it was. It looked pretty deep, but when we got there my husband discovered that it was only 2-3 feet deep. The problem was that the man who wanted to be baptised was extra large. So my husband pushed him down into the water as far as he could go then splashed water up on the rest of him that protruded so he could be considered "completely immursed"!
    Funny ... reminded me of the time a rather large lady was stepping down into the baptistry and fell face first into the depths ... a deacon in the back shouted an hearty "AAAAAMEN!"
    The one great fallacy of fundamentalism is that we actually believe that while we are confessing the sins of others that the Lord will not look as intently on our own.

    As I have gotten older, I have tended to become less dogmatic over certain issues: "(1 Cor 2:2 KJV) For I determined not to know any thing among you, save Jesus Christ, and him crucified."

    I would not be such a strong believer in God if not for the enemy.

    Look me up on Facebook

  5. #5
    Forum Sage
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    South Louisiana, duh!
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    Default

    Our pastor once had to baptize a handicapped man and to do so had him in a plastic chair that when he lowered the man back, his hip boots went below the water line.
    Yep, they filled up.



    I myself was baptized in a cattle trough in our church basement.

    .
    Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense, and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

  6. #6
    Master of Fundamentalism
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    Jul 2008
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    Default

    I myself was baptized by Dr. John R. Rice. Anybody want me to sign their Bible?

  7. #7
    Like It, Love it, Gotta Have It
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    Default

    At teen camp last year there were several teens that had gotten saved & wished to follow the Lord in believers baptism. There was a lot of excitement that Sunday. One of the new teenagers did a cannonball jump into the tank. The splash covered the student pastor and his mic. The place went deadly silent, while some quietly laughed.

    Our pastor was sitting down front & was none too happy about the cannonball. But while others were being baptized he thought about it and gave some closing comments. He said, "I would rather that kid get excited about professing his faith in Christ than going wild for the world, but hopefuly that won't happen again." The audience responded with applause to these wise & grace filled words.
    "We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready
    in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us."

    --George Orwell

    Just my own opinion, for what it's worth........

  8. #8
    Just Gettin' Started
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    Mar 2008
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    Harrisburg, PA
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    Default

    [ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lY8LewCqfI"]Here[/ame] is one I saw on Americas Funniest Home videos.

  9. #9
    Warming Up
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    East of Duluth
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    Default

    My assistant pastor was baptizing a police officer who had issues with water. As he was putting him under the police officer slipped, how I do not know, and pulled my assistant under with him, filling his waders! The bright side is that since I went to HAC I learned to count that as TWO baptisms that day!
    My opinion is now stated. If you don't like it then have your people call my people...

  10. #10
    Warming Up
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    East of Duluth
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    Default

    We were baptizing on a Wednesday night a few years ago. The heater had broken during the day and the water was about 45 degrees (it comes out of the faucet at 35 degrees!) yet the husband and wife wanted to be baptized. It took my breath away after standing there for about 2 minutes, the man had the most perfect expression of absolute pain on his face and his wife sang a nice soprano when she walked into the water. They still come faithfully, after 6 years...maybe I should baptize all of them in cold water. We'd find out who was serious!
    My opinion is now stated. If you don't like it then have your people call my people...

 

 

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